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Offended By My Sex Appeal

by Kamea Taylor
written by Kamea Taylor

For generations, the conversation of sex within the Black community has become uncomfortable or overwhelmed with misconceptions and misinformation. The most sensitive subject within such dialogue is often the sexual experiences and sexual health of Black women. From sex work to romantic partners, Black women’s bodies are seen as commodities to be consumed yet are simultaneously devalued and shamed for hypersexuality and sexual expressiveness. The perspective of Black sexuality is seen through the lens of heterosexual cis-gendered men, explaining the over-sexualization and deprivation of Black women for having the same sexual desires that they are excused for. 

Research also contributes to the portrayal of Black women as sexually available or engaging in sexual risk-taking behaviors rather than sexually autonomous or sexually responsible. Instead of educating women about their bodies, Black women are overwhelmed with the emphasis on prevention instead of pleasure. An example of this is the plethora of sexual research about Black women and their sexual health. These statistics that often show consistently high rates of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and unintended pregnancy, yet not enough conversation about the healthy aspects of sex, let alone sex health concerning the female genitalia. Such dedication to this kind of research discourages Black women. It makes them more sexually conscious of those risks, health disparities between Black and white women, and the types of sexual behaviors they engage in. Because of this, Black women do not have a healthy relationship with sex or healthy sexual relationships. The constant exposure to the negative consequences of sex overflows with stigma, stereotypes, and bias towards sex health that follows Black women throughout their lives. Such an approach not only makes Black women more closed off to sexual promiscuity but also affects how they view themselves and relationships, causing many to feel ashamed of their natural sexual identity and behaviors. 

Even in their youth, peers constantly monitor the sexual maturity of Black women. From parents to complete strangers, they are overwhelmed with preventative measures or encouraged to practice celibacy. Yet, when compared to the sexual maturity of men, Black men are commonly sexually active by the age of fifteen, showing the lowest median within Dawn Upchurch’s research article. In their adolescence, they are encouraged to partake in sex at a very young age, yet women are suppressed from exploring their sexual urges. Within these findings, there are blatant contradictions between the opinions of Black men concerning promiscuity and the slut-shaming of Black women versus their actions. This sex-negative culture that projects the unwritten rules and expectations on how a Black woman should behave sexually, of course, affects sexual freedoms but alienates them as well. The more aggravating aspect of this is the awfully high rates of Black women that are sexually abused by the age of eighteen (one in four), as seen in the Ujima Community’s research, as well as the common adult-ification and grooming of young Black girls, as well as the entitlement to their bodies, that excuses those perverted behaviors (they do not in any situation). Black women are hypervisible when they exude the same sex appeal that men forbade but are somehow invisible when they are physically or verbally assaulted for simply existing. 

As Black women grow more progressive and embrace their sex appeal with the aid of artists like Megan Thee Stallion and other public figures, they gradually redefine the terms “slut,” “whore,” and other terminology that is used to demean their sexual provocation. Such sex positivity and sexual autonomy through their quote-on-quote “oversexualized” music only further proves the double standard that men enforced within society. Regardless of what women wear, what they listen to, or how many sexual partners they have, there is no justification for the policing of Black women’s sexual expression. Yet despite these barriers, Black women continue to embody the enviable power over the compiling opinions of the patriarchy. Instead of allowing themselves to be defined by the stereotypical images projected by men, Black women are viewed through their own lens.

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CultureOpinion

Thick Thighs Kills Confidence

by Kamea Taylor
written by Kamea Taylor

Society’s body ideals have critiqued Black women of all body types for generations. Ever since I was a young Black girl, I struggled for years with my weight, obsessed over thick thighs and a flat belly, and always thought of ways that I could lose weight. And though society’s projections have shifted to more of a fascination and appraisals for thicker thighs, I still find myself doing these things to fit those expectations. 

Such obsessions with the thick thigh movement have ultimately oversexualized Black women, denied and scrutinized the “fat upper pubic area” (FUPA), and belittled women who are genetically incapable of satisfying these social norms. And while on this quest to be Instagram thick, including these overwhelming factors, Black women have habitually fallen victim to body dysmorphia. 

Based on this educational article by the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) is characterized by the obsessive idea or distorted view that one’s appearance or specific body part is severely flawed and thus warrants great measures to fix or hide it. This, of course, is no help to the standard of beauty that has morphed into this hypersexualized caricature only depicting the tiny waist, big hips, and huge thighs that are often assumed as natural. So Black women, the cause for such uprising fixation on curvy and voluptuous bodies, partake in the waist trainers, appetite suppression, weight gain pills, and even plastic surgery to fit such expectations. 

Besides, the image of how Black women perceive themselves is an important part of their identity, and they tend to be more questioning of self-worth. If you have thick thighs but not a tiny waist, you do not fit these standards. And if you have a tiny waist but not thick thighs, you also do not fit this standard. In many more cases, these standards perpetuate unfeasible expectations for women of all shapes and sizes. And since 2010, Black women have increasingly been seeking plastic surgery to mimic the hourglass silhouette of very famous celebrities like Kim Kardashian, who single-handedly represents the modern-day apex of plastic surgery normalization while using the black body as the muse.

While it may be difficult to succumb to the pressures of these popularized figures, we as Black women must remind ourselves that they are the staple. The blueprint. From the hips, the bust, and the curves of a Black woman, we are beyond glorified and the pinnacle of beauty. 

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LifestyleOpinion

Decenter Men. They’re ruining your friendships.

by Leilani Fu’Qua
written by Leilani Fu’Qua

Do your friends only ever talk about what new man is in their direct messages? Are you the friend that only shares about her (straight) relationship or romantic encounters with men? You could be a victim of male identification, and you ARE entitled to financial compensation. 

Male identification is the act of placing men above women, including yourself, in various aspects in your life and relationships (Rich, 1980). For Black women, tendencies of male identification are notable through the placement of romantic relationships with men above platonic relationships with women. In our social spheres, it can manifest itself in three ways: 


Conversations with friends are heavily centered around romantic relationships with men

When male identifier individuals hang out with their women friends, the majority of the conversation is centered around their romantic prospects or relationships with men. They ask for advice about their relationship, speak about their romantic partner’s qualities, and over-romanticize the affection they receive from men. With Black women, gossip culture and hair salon conversations enable the male identifying woman to speak freely and openly about her relationships with men. However, less emphasis is placed on celebrating the Black women in their social sphere, while more attention is given to their life in proximity to men. 


The “Cater 2 U” Complex

“Cater 2 U” by Destiny’s Child is one of the most devotional love songs in recent music history. Still, it allows the male identifying woman to exist in service to men, despite the romantic underpinnings of the relationship. The “Cater 2 U” complex runs deep and stereotypes Black women as the caregiver and subjugate of their male counterparts. While the “male protector” role is prominent in the Black community, it perpetuates a cycle of women being dependent on their romantic partners in all aspects, including financial, social, and emotional well-being. Catering to your man can be cute, but the desire to do so may be rooted in fear, internalized misogyny, and allegiance to men out of necessity/survival. 

Embracing patriarchal culture under the #girlboss mentality

Independent women (unmarried, single, self-sufficient) can also be male identifiers as they adopt patriarchal culture under the guise of “leveling up,” and being a “girl boss.” In the Black community, the #girlboss mentality is outwardly harmless, but may obscure itself into self-colonization by seeking validation from male employers in order to reach success, belittling other women to achieve supremacy over them, or adopting the “think like a man” mentality when approaching success. It also allows long-running expectations for Black women to be strong, powerful, and lift themselves up by the boot-straps to persist, and masculinizes Black women disproportionately. 

Male-identifiers are usually unaware of their contributions to upholding the patriarchy, and these behaviors are normal! The patriarchal structure of many global societies centers men, and women are often socialized to engage behaviors that support these socializations. Instead of normalizing these behaviors in attachment to womanhood, we should analyze our own roles and consider how our subconscious daily actions contribute to our subjugation. As Black women, liberation is not a new phenomenon, and we must be dedicated to becoming women-identifiers. 

We must be committed to putting women first, analyzing the ways we participate in our own subjugation, and actively working towards being a good listener when women speak about their passions, aspirations, and struggles beyond lens of men. 

(These theories are developed from Adrienne Rich’s 1980 Essay “Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Experience” and adjacent feminist works, but are completely subjective. )

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