we who cannot see the beauty
that resides in our collective struggle
for liberation..
will soon be devoured
by our own insatiable thirst
for validation and survival
and the beast that haunts us all
cannot survive in the light,
he may only take hold of us
when our fear of the shadows
becomes so consuming
that we can see no way
out of the darkness
most city kids couldn’t recognize themselves in a crowd
i envy this at times
you see kids like me only become dreamers because we spend so much time alone trapped within our minds
that we have to know the world within
the one that restores faith in human kind
even if it ceases to exist in the morning
we don’t have quick fixes or escapes
just that mindful time made up off that 1/8
more like a 1/4 if i’m being honest
alone in your room
making hieroglyphs out of dancing light
fiending for a reprieve that the drugs could never get you
and still you reach
because at least the weed helps to pass the time out here
in these places where there’s nowhere to go but up
even if you stumble
we’re the kids who take the long way home,
the ones with those old film cameras to capture life because we know how quickly presence can fade into memories even if we do our best to hold on
we make playlists for the month just to let you in on how we felt, more like how we’re feeling, but these permanent time stamps of how digital footprints bring our paths closer together at times soon fade too, because seasons change and holding onto the past only keeps you from seeing the beauty of what is right in front of you
we’re not big on birthdays because your company has always been just enough
and we don’t say goodbyes, not really anyway, because we never wanted this to end, or at least i never did
kids like us stay away from the crowd because they hate wallflowers and it’s not my fault that i hate how the spotlight can change you if you’re not careful
so we come to a difference of opinion more often these days
and i’m not with the dramas but he was right about the sky being what we stand on to reach the beyond
like breakfast in bed in Bali
just you and me
on the vision board sometimes but more likely found in those midday dreams
we’re the romantics that got caught up in the city of lost souls, how easily we find home in one another because real recognise real and you not with me in the mornings makes me sick if i think about it for too long and i can tell you this because you not from the city so you won’t use it against me and that’s why i love you
and we say i love you toos in exchange because we hold ourselves accountable to presence in love
but remember, kids like us spend time alone, so forgive me for being so comfortable with myself that it can seem like i forget about you at times, i promise i keep you close to me
on some 13 pages in my notebook diary type shit , deep in my heart right next to the place that my dreams manifest
so next time you need me, know i’ll be somewhere in cali, looking for the sunlight that breaks through the clouds like the day i realised i could shine too if i could just get out of my head for a little while
you struggle to meet the eyes of the houseless within your community because you too cannot afford groceries or your lifestyle or rent, but you would rather turn your nose up to your reflections in hopes that if you ignore the mirrors around you for long enough they will disappear
but they won’t, they never do
whether you see monsters or martyrs within your reflections you must understand that these are remnants of you too
what was lost and what is found within these moments of pause are the truth of this existence, the beginning of an internal dialogue that pushes us into action if we are able to hear the sounds of our own voices in the midst of the chaos
the voices that tell us that as we run from who we are we become all that we fear and not because this life is some game of luck and misfortune but because we live within a world that chooses to let us “survive”, not as whole beings, but as false prophets
and so as long as we deny our ancestral truths, the truths that show us that apathy only creates further division but neglects to feed starving children, we are “safe”
but I ask you, what is safety without freedom?
safety here is to be fully conformed in the eyes of the oppressor and no longer a threat to the empire that gives us false names and applauds our confusion so much so that we struggle to mutter oshun, shango, ogun or yemaya in our native tongues because we have forgotten who to call or because we fear that it is too late to reclaim what they have stolen
know that to survive this hell is to first see yourself in your entirety, to know who you are and where you have come from, to know that this is not home and cannot be made into one, and that the mirrors around you reflect truth, not pity
we cannot afford to be blind to the reality of our sisters and brothers and the distant relatives who we may not have known in this life but surely will in the next
as long as there are mouths to feed and bodies to clothe we have more work to do here
and as I believe that we are all that we have left, we cannot afford to live and love as false prophets, we cannot afford to see anything less than the truth of this reality
we need one another to survive, but to see ourselves as one, to truly be whole, means to look one another in the eyes