Cali Kids

In News by Nicole Crawford

most city kids couldn’t recognize themselves in a crowd  

i envy this at times 

you see kids like me only become dreamers because we spend so much time alone trapped within our minds 

that we have to know the world within

the one that restores faith in human kind 

even if it ceases to exist in the morning 

we don’t have quick fixes or escapes 

just that mindful time made up off that 1/8 

more like a 1/4 if i’m being honest

alone in your room

making hieroglyphs out of dancing light

fiending for a reprieve that the drugs could never get you 

and still you reach 

because at least the weed helps to pass the time out here 

in these places where there’s nowhere to go  but up 

even if you stumble 

we’re the kids who take the long way home, 

the ones with those old film cameras to capture life because we know how quickly presence can fade into memories even if we do our best to hold on 

we make playlists for the month just to let you in on how we felt, more like how we’re feeling, but these permanent time stamps of how digital footprints bring our paths closer together at times soon fade too, because seasons change and holding onto the past only keeps you from seeing the beauty of what is right in front of you 

we’re not big on birthdays because your company has always been just enough 

and we don’t say goodbyes, not really anyway, because we never wanted this to end, or at least i never did 

kids like us stay away from the crowd because they hate wallflowers and it’s not my fault that i hate how the spotlight can change you if you’re not careful 

so we come to a difference of opinion more often these days 

and i’m not with the dramas but he was right about the sky being what we stand on to reach the beyond 

like breakfast in bed in Bali 

just you and me 

on the vision board sometimes but more likely found in those midday dreams 

we’re the romantics that got caught up in the city of lost souls, how easily we find home in one another because real recognise real and you not with me in the mornings makes me sick if i think about it for too long and i can tell you this because you not from the city so you won’t use it against me and that’s why i love you 

and we say i love you toos in exchange because we hold ourselves accountable to presence in love 

but remember, kids like us spend time alone, so forgive me for being so comfortable with myself that it can seem like i forget about you at times, i promise i keep you close to me 

on some 13 pages in my notebook diary type shit , deep in my heart right next to the place that my dreams manifest 

so next time you need me, know i’ll be somewhere in cali, looking for the sunlight that breaks through the clouds like the day i realised i could shine too if i could just get out of my head for a little while